Fall Festival has started and after finding a LOT of bandito's for others I finally found one of my own. Got a portal dweller costume, which I find quite ironic being an enchanter. So I decided to go sit in the Nexus and see what fun could ensue when a wind started blowing.. and a lovely Black Orchid like no flower I have ever seen in Valorn, blew in and landed before me. What a lovely surprise! By far my favorite find of this Fall Festival, and it found me!

Again I reflect upon my life, I smile at some memories, yet the same happy memory makes me sad all the same for what was lost. How I wish, I could go back and do some things over, to find the courage I needed before. Oh to make different, better choices. But alas I can only long for what might have been had I not been such a fool. The memories, and the love of the friends I still have are all that sustain me. Recent events while making me sad again for what once was, perhaps also give me a glimmer of hope. Perhaps I am not as lost as I feel. Perhaps since I've made peace, I will find happiness once again, I hope so. Only this time I won't be scared. I've stopped running, and I've found my way home again, perhaps now my path will lead me to where I want to be. Only time will tell.

Ah... a bonding of a friend.. such a joyful time, yet one that is bittersweet for me as well. I do so enjoy seeing my friends so filled with love, joy, and hope. Yet... seeing it makes me feel like I am a terrible person, because while on the one side I am overjoyed at their happiness, at the same time I feel all the more isolated, hopeless, and alone. Is there something wrong with me?...

Of late I try to roam... more out of habit...I make it usually as far as Milltown and I turn around and go home again the habit of running or roaming is certainly gone.. for which I am glad. For a LONG time I stayed away from my guild hall home, scared I guess of the memories it invokes. But finally about half a cycle back I went home... and now it is like my feet have taken root and I can not make myself leave again. It feels so good to be home, where I belong instead of one of my many wandering spots. Love them though I do, and I am sure I will visit them again especially the balcony of Caernivale, by far my most visited spot. But for now I am home. No more do I wander or roam. No more do I worry where I am suppose to be... who I am suppose to be. I am content to be where I am, and who I am. I have grown use to my own company and expect nothing from no one and I suppose I have been lost so long no one expects anything from me either. I look forward to the changing of the season. The Fall Festival is fast approaching and I look forward to it's festivities once more.